I have 4 blog posts that I don't have the guts to actually post.
I'm afraid I complain too much. I'm afraid I'll alienate even more people. I'm afraid that my bitterness has reached a new level. I'm afraid that it's defining me. I'm afraid of what people will think.
Sometimes the fear of what this is all doing to me is worse than the fear of never having another child. I'm uncomfortable in this new skin I've been forced in to. I don't know how to have real discussions with people about this. People who care enough to ask, all get a stock answer about how I'm "doing ok" or "surprisingly at peace."
I question everyone's sincerity and I've become even more cynical than I already was. I can't help but assume that people ask how I'm doing, not because they actually want to know, but because it's what you do. When someone is sick. When someone is going through something hard. When you don't know what else to say that conveys your concern or understanding.
So we do this dance where you care, and I don't open up, and you can probably tell I'm being dishonest, and I pretend that I have it in me to talk about this. Yet again.
Post them if it's going to help you. I have yet to hear you complain or be bitter and really who cares what everyone else thinks. This is your blog, your space to say how you feel and if people don't like what they are reading they can click the red x.
ReplyDeleteThis is your space to say whatever you want! Remember, I'm always here to listen to you, no matter what.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel about all the questions.
ReplyDeleteRemember that you created this as a place to be able to talk about what you need to talk about without offending anyone or upsetting anyone. This is your place. Post what you want/need. If someone doesn't like it, they don't have to come back.